Elementor #782

[4:25 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: One Pastor: Great, great, thank you very much for agreeing to come over. So, how can I be of help as per your pre-marital counselling and wedding plan. When is it? In fact, tell me about yourselves.

(Both the Groom and the bride took turns to talk about themselves and how they met).

One Pastor: Wow. If I got you right, you met 12 years ago.

Both: (Gleefully) Yes.

The Lady: We were at first acquaintances, and then, one day, his ex broke up with him, and it was shortly after I broke up with mine too. So we just found each other’s shoulders to rest on.

One Pastor: Hmmmm. Really?

The Guy: At first, it didn’t seem like a thing, you know…just colleagues lifting themselves up. One day, she just asked me if I needed anything at the shop as she was going lunch-shopping, and I told her to grab me a sandwich.

The Lady: (Giggling) And I bought him his favourite sandwich without telling me which to buy.

The Guy: (Nodding) Yep, yep…we just clicked straight like that. (They held hands)

One Pastor: So when precisely did you start dating, or when you got engaged or when you decided that this is a ‘love’ matter?

The Lady: That’s really hard to tell pastor. We kinda blended together.

The Guy: Yea. True. (Nodding)

The Lady: I think we basically just fused together. This was when I had issue with my accommodation and I needed to relocate. I was almost getting stranded as no estate agent was trusting me with their property. And Tokz too was trying to move to a quieter location. And one thing led to another…we ended up renting a studio flat together.

The Guy (Tokz): Best thing that ever happened to us.

One Pastor: Erm…wait…who is the landlord or the landlady, and who is the tenant? What kind of tenant-ship arrangement did you put in place?

The Guy (Tokz): (Looked lost) I don’t think I got that bit. Landlady? What arrangement?

One Pastor: I was asking if you guys as just work colleagues…friendly…and probably fond of each other’s presence with holy-choosing sandwich, had any arrangement put in place for the studio flat before getting it?

The Lady: Erm…not at all. We were both looking for accommodations, and it made sense to put our resources together and rent one together.

The Guy (Tokz): Yeah, the move helped us to save money and to help us to know ourselves better.

One Pastor: Hmmm. So you didn’t get to know yourselves enough at the work place, you upgraded it to post-work-hours know-yourselves-better deal? A studio flat…who sleeps in the bedroom and who sleeps in the living area? Does anyone sleep on the floor

(Both looked at each other as if they had entered a Babalawo’s nest).

The Lady: We don’t follow sir. Not sure we understand where you are going with this? I don’t understand sir. Tokz?

(Tokz looked bewildered)

One Pastor: Hmmm. Okay. Have you been playing daddy and mummy game already?

23 seconds silence.

One Pastor: Let me help you. How long have you been living together in this studio flat?

The Guy (Tokz): 7 years.

The Lady: Actually this is the 8th year sir.

One Pastor: So you have been having sex together under the same roof for 8 years.

The Guy (Tokz): Wow pastor. That’s too direct and a bit unsettling.

One Pastor: Why is it unsettling? At least I asked you in an indirect manner if you have been doing daddy and mummy together while making sure no baby comes out of it to disturb you.

The Lady: We just thought that’s a bit personal and private for us.

One Pastor: I am sorry if that’s how it looks like to you. When you called me to ask for sessions for pre-marital counselling, and I told you I am a Christian and a pastor, you both said fine. What were you expecting?

The Guy (Tokz) But you never told us you would ask us sensitive questions like you are doing now.

One Pastor: How many counsellors have you previously approached in the past?

The Guy (Tokz) None. Except our church…pastor.

One Pastor: Why are you not using your pastor to do this session for you then?

The Lady: He was Tokz’s pastor until recently, and big brother to my ex. So he was not favourably disposed to us.

The Guy (Tokz): He told me he was not comfortable with us and we should find another. I believed it was because his younger brother was once KK’s ex.

One Pastor: Who is KK?

The Guy (Tokz): Kike

The Lady: It’s me sir. Kikeoluwa Sarah. Sorry you only know me as Sarah.

One Pastor: So KK, what happened to your ex?

The Lady (KK): He went on to marry a lady, and 3 years later, they divorced. He has been hopping from one lady to another since then. I would have made a huge mistake with him.

One Pastor: Hmmmm, so, the mercy of God did not allow that to happen to you. You did not hop from one man to another man. Nonetheless, you have been doing daddy and mummy with Tokz for the past 8 years.

Silence Silence Silence

One Pastor: Why did you think you got a better deal than your ex? Before God, you are both sinners acting saintly before Him.

The Lady (KK): The Fxxk. Wha…

One Pastor: Sorry, you can’t use that word or any other swear word. Please.

The Lady (KK): Sorry… I was just wondering we have been faithful to each other, we both love everything about each other, we have lived together as partners for 8 years. We are both committed to our future plans, our families know all about us.

The Guy (Tokz): Should we even be doing this?

One Pastor: Exactly. You see, I am saving you time and pointing you in the right direction. Honestly, I would want you both to end up marrying each other. I believe in the marriage institution, and I really want you to prove the world wrong, but there is a spiritual DNA that is wired up in me that wants to make sure that you get it right and that your foundation is stainless.

The Guy (Tokz): So why judging us then sir?

One Pastor: Are you both born again believers? Not just church going?

Silence Silence Silence

One Pastor: If you really want to go ahead with your wedding in September, go on, you don’t need any counselling. You have already married yourselves without your parents and God’s agents in attendance.

Somber silence and chill

The Guy (Tokz): We have always lived right. We really love each other.

One Pastor: So why didn’t you put the ring in her finger 8 years ago? Why didn’t you get married 8 years ago. You could have done it even in the registry! I could have done it for you. If you are indeed born again, you are like this book I bought in Waterden Road back in 2006 August Conference of KICC – Single, Saved and Having Sex. I will put ‘Sinners’ at the back of it – Single, Saved and Having Sex like Sinners. Very good book.

The Lady (KK): Are you now suggesting sir that we cannot marry again because of our mistake?

One Pastor: No and Yes. No, because I am not God and you are not children. I am not your parents, and you are not pretending to be born again believers. So I would take you like normal clients of the world. Yes, God can if you are truly born again, and have repented. All you now have to do is ask for God’s mercy.

The Guy (Tokz): So if we want to get it right, as true believers, without blemish, we will have to cancel the wedding plan? Or is it the marriage?

One Pastor: Correct. It seems you are waking up to the gospel truth you have always suppressed. Something tells me you were raised by pastoral parents. They are still praying for you. Probably your mum. I think your dad has passed on. He probably passed before you met KK. You are the disobedient child of your mother that she is praying for everyday.

The Lady (KK): Whaaaaaat the F…

One Pastor: I will slap you if you finish that.

The Lady (KK): Oooh my days I am so sorry sir. Who told you that?

The Guy (Tokz): (Teary) Tell me what to do sir.

The Lady (KK): Seriously? Are you kidding me? Are you considering throwing away our 8 years together just like that. Pastor, please, you can’t tell him to do this. Please tell him he can’t throw our 8 years together. Please….Tokunboh…Tokz.

The Guy (Tokz): I am not throwing anything away. I love you and I want to be with you, but I want us to get it right. How did he know about my dad. Yesterday was the anniversary of his passing and he pulled it out just like that. How did he know? What can I do sir? What can we do?

One Pastor: Acknowledge you have been living together as sinners. Ask God for forgiveness and mercy. You should move out as well and rent another place to stay until your wedding. Leave KK in that apartment. If you have not been able to save enough money to buy a mortgage by now, you can as well stay apart for the next few months. Shift your wedding date if you can. Go back to your church and start the process of doing it right with your local pastor. Go back to parents and families and explain to them that you are still together as per your plans, but you want to do it the right way for righteousness sake. And then, no more sex. No more sex until you are blessed in God’s presence. Can you do that?

The Guy (Tokz): I believe we can. You struck a chord with me, and I know we would have done it the right way if my dad hadn’t passed on.

The Lady (KK): (Nodding) Yeah, I believe so too. A part of us knew all along that something was missing. Though, it’s not like we do the sex thing everyday or every time, but we understand your point. Thank you very much sir. Wow. You got me scared though.

One Pastor: Well, it’s God. So before we pray, let’s do a quick recap of our first explosive session. KK, swear or curse words cost £20. I might get rich overnight on your account alone. So, what are the points to work on against our next session if you are still happy to see me again.

The Guy (Tokz): I think what we needed all along was the truth….you never held back from it. We will stick with you. Thank you sir.
[4:28 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: 7 Months Ago Counselling Session:

New Wife To Be: Daddy, shouldn’t marriage be equal in all ways?

One Pastor: Hmmm, okay, for the sake of agreement, I will advise that your marriage be 50/50 for the first 3 years, and whoever wants to lead and be responsible for it thereafter will take over.

New Wife To Be: (Smiled) Okay, how do we go about it? Can you hear that Ola? (Looked at direction of Ola (Groom To Be) on the Zoom). But sir, why 50/50 for 3 years?

One Pastor: Because I know you can’t last that far.

New Wife To Be: Last that far? How sir?

One Pastor: If you want your home to be 50-50 in all ways, you should be ready to split all financial responsibilities in all ways. Last session we had, you said you didn’t believe in Joint Account, but for 50…
[4:29 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: Truth is everyone finding love and getting married mostly believes their partner is an angel and their marriage will be paradise on earth…until the human nature takes over the marriage.

Until you become a new creature who is totally transformed, there is no guarantee that all your dreams will come true.

There are real life principles that must be strictly adhered to in the marriage institution, and it is only the instrumentality of God’s presence and the prevailing of the fruit of the spirit that you can be armed with enough ingredients that would make your marriage beautiful.

In fact, if you planned your marriage to be a Godly union, your marriage will probably be the spot of target for evil attacks. By the time financial constraints, job losses, care…
[4:31 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: 15 YEARS A SHADOW OF HURT

THE JOURNEY
They met during their University days at Ekpoma. They were course-mates. They became friends precisely on the 30th Nov 1997.

They graduated in 1998 and went on for their service years during which they maintained their friendship.

The lady served in Kebbi State and later settled in Lagos thereafter.

Ayodeji served in Abia State and later chose to stay in Port Harcourt after the service year. He was in Port Harcourt until November 2003 when he relocated to the US. New York to be precise.

In February 2005, he briefly traveled down to Lagos to ask for the lady’s hand in marriage.

He would shuttle 2 more times between New York and Lagos to solidify the union before finally returning home in September of 2005 to plan …
[4:33 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: A time will soon come that men will not want to marry women again. They will simply tell any woman in their life to accept the live-in partner status or leave. That trend has been on the rise in the West recently and it seems we are not taking note.

My old neighbour refused to marry his baby mama simply on the fact that he will lose his freedom should he upgrade the relationship. After 10 years and 6 year old child between them, my neighbour refused.

My wife and I were hosted to a lunch dinner one day after Sunday service, and we went over with wines and other gifts. Over dinner, the wife was begging me to use my position as a pastor to tell her boyfriend to marry her. The lady had everything in the house but for one missing thing – The Ring! The man jus…
[4:34 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: 12:00
Phone Call

One Pastor: Hello, who is on the line? Amos here.

One Woman: Hello. Hello sir. My name is Melanie. I am one of your church members?

One Pastor: Church Member? Sorry I don’t have your number yet. That’s why.

One Woman: Yes sir. I am still new. Last Sunday was our first time. You preached on Holiness and you even mentioned something close to driving holy.

One Pastor: You meant Holy Speeding abi? That would be me. How can I help you?

One Woman: We just bought a car yesterday to help us with mobility.

One Pastor: Ah…that fast….Congratulations.

One Woman: Nothing to congratulate sir. Police took the car from my husband just now. He’s distraught and can’t talk.

One Pastor: (Hmmm…and there goes my afternoon) So what can we do now? W…
[4:35 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: The reason I am doing all these? Most people don’t have a clue what pastors are daily exposed to.

Most have no idea what they hear over phone calls or texts.

Some people wondered why some pastors can’t look for career jobs to do rather than go into full time ministry.

Some people think that full time pastors don’t really do anything. I laugh.

Well, sorry, before you call any pastor lazy, ask yourself if you are at work and people in your congregation start inundating you with calls.

Don’t condemn pastors doing their work full time. They are on 24 hrs call duty. Have you ever been called by someone at 5am to ask for phone contact of a washing machine repairer?

Yeah, that’s what some pastors get. I got that last Friday. 2 tests followed, and 2 other…
[4:35 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: RICARDO KAKA IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF WHAT ELSE DO SOME WOMEN WANT.

Last year, I had the below conversation with a lady who sadly passed away about 7 months after we talked.

One Pastor: Separation! You need to separate to clear your head? Why don’t you have a heart to heart talk with him? Have you called your pastor in Nigeria?

The Lady Stranger: He doesn’t listen to anyone. You have never met him before. He hates all pastors. He never attended any church in Nigeria. Only once in a while that he listens to some random teachings on You Tube.

One Pastor: So how did you meet him then. Was he always like this before during dating?

The Lady Stranger: It all happened fast. We met at Uni. I was raised in XXXXXX (A Holiness Church). My dad is a pastor and my mum…
[4:37 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: For 4 years, she complained about her husband not doing anything right. From being too slow, to not being man enough, to not being aggressive like other men, to not hustling enough for more money, to not being a risk taker.

She listened to her aunt’s voice over the voices of reasonings. She dumped her husband and moved out with their children to join her aunt who fed her with feminism nonsense.

She did not believe in anyone’s suggestion outside that of her aunt. She took the children away from their father and never allowed him have access to them.

Her single never-married before aunty completed the village-assignment on her. It was the same aunty that told her after 2 years that she cannot be looking after bastards forever as she too has her life to l…
[4:38 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: Happy 49th Wedding Anniversary to my dad and mum – Felix and Felicia Ajewole.

Thank you for your exemplary marital pairing that still makes me believe you are somehow fraternally related on the other side before showing up here on earth.

Your friendship and soul connection were practically lived out for us to see.

You lived your lives so open to us yet so closely knitted together that our efforts to intrude your rank failed over and over.

I still remember the day we children vigorously ‘ministered’ to mummy and psyched her up not to surrender her N50K Naira gift to the family pocket, but share it among us her children.

We thought keeping mummy away from daddy the whole day would do. We preached and polluted her mind with exaggerated planned expenses…
[4:39 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: WHAT IS MAN THAT THOU ART MINDFUL OF HIM?

1. Cell Count: The average human body contains around 37.2 trillion cells.
2. Blood Vessels: The total length of blood vessels in an adult human is approximately 100,000 kilometers (62,000 miles).
3. Heart Rate: At rest, the heart beats around 60 to 100 times per minute, pumping about 7,570 liters (2,000 gallons) of blood per day.
4. Brain Power: The human brain contains about 86 billion neurons, and it generates approximately 23 watts of power when awake.
5. Digestive System: The gastrointestinal tract, or gut, is about 9 meters (30 feet) long in an average adult.
6. Skeleton: The adult human body has 206 bones, which account for about 15% of body weight.
7. Muscles: There are over 650 named skeletal…
[4:40 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: THE MOST SOPHISTICATED AND MOST ADVANCED MACHINE EVER BUILT: THE HUMAN BODY.

CREATOR: ELOHIM
DESIGNER: ELOHIM
PATENTED BY THE WORD
****************
1: Number of bones: 206
2: Number of bones of a newborn baby: 306
3: Number of muscles: 639
4: Number of kidneys: 2
5: Number of baby teeth: 20
6: Number of adult teeth: 32
7: Number of ribs: 24
8: Number of heart chambers: 4
9: Largest artery: aorta
10: Normal blood pressure: 120/80 Mm hg
11: Blood pH: 7.4
12: Number of vertebrae in the spine: 33
13: Number of neck vertebrae: 7
14: Number of bones in the middle ear: 6
15: Number of face bones: 14
16: Number of skull bones: 22
17: Number of chest bones: 25
18: Number of arm’s bones: 6
19: Number of arm’s muscles: 72
20: Smaller muscle: stapedius (6 mm)
21: Larg…
[4:43 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: Know your husband, know your wife. What to know includes: personal interests, likes and dislikes, tastes, strengths, weaknesses, abilities, ambitions and etc. Now, harmonise all these together, and make a new blend of what will work best for the home you have both established.
[4:44 PM, 5/3/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: Me: So you want me to talk to your husband now? 8 years ago, he was the one begging me to talk to you. 5 years ago, he gave you last warning but you did not listen to us. It is too late.

Sharon: Don’t let it be too late sir. He was not being reasonable. I had my life to live and he refused to understand.

Me: No. if you had your life to live, you shouldn’t have got married to him when you did. You misled him and sold him a lie. Why would you marry when you still had a private plan of yours of having no baby till you are ready for one?

Sharon: I thought it would be easier to discuss this when we were fully married and settled. Planning for the wedding didn’t allow us much conversation. Moreover, I was really not ready to have babies.

Me: That’s untrue…
[7:21 PM, 5/21/2024] Pastor Amos U.k: Hello. I noticed you have not done any update yet from those stuffs I sent.