Last year, I had the below conversation with a lady who sadly passed away about 7 months after we talked.
One Pastor: Separation! You need to separate to clear your head? Why don’t you have a heart to heart talk with him? Have you called your pastor in Nigeria?
The Lady Stranger: He doesn’t listen to anyone. You have never met him before. He hates all pastors. He never attended any church in Nigeria. Only once in a while that he listens to some random teachings on You Tube.
One Pastor: So how did you meet him then. Was he always like this before during dating?
The Lady Stranger: It all happened fast. We met at Uni. I was raised in XXXXXX (A Holiness Church). My dad is a pastor and my mum has always worked hand in hand with my dad. I was a church girl all along till I met this course mate of mine. He was my first time and pregnancy happened in my final year. That’s how we got married, and we have never been on the same page since then.
One Pastor: Why is it that you women always end up with unteachable men that turn out like this. I believe there must have been one Bro Segun or Cornelius that you rejected to fall for this one now. This is the reason why Paul said we should not be unequally yoked with unbeliever. It doesn’t even have to be an unbeliever, even believers that you are not on the same page with in every aspect of marital pairing should be avoided. So what do you want to do now? What do you want me to do.
The Lady Stranger: I want to leave him. He doesn’t mind me leaving but without the children. How can I leave him without my children?
One Pastor: Oh, so the children are now solely yours abi? Have you thought of speaking to secular marital counselor or seeing a lawyer?
The Lady Stranger: Ha…it is money oh. I can’t afford a lawyer, my husband wont even listen to his dad let alone a shrink.
One Pastor: By the way, I didn’t say you should employ a shrink. My bill is £100 per hour. I will text my account to you.
The Lady Stranger: What? They didn’t tell me you collect money oh. £100 lohunlohun?
One Pastor: You are not a member of our church, so I am not offering your pastoral advice. Moreover, the path you want to tow is a secular one which is outside of the scripture. So why should I give you any pastoral advice when that not what you want?
The Lady Stranger: You are joking right (smiling)? Please sir, on a serious note. I have done everything to provoke him including not having sex with him for the past 8 months, he just wouldn’t take the bait.
One Pastor: Hmmm. As a pastor, I have answers for you, but you wont follow it. So I am suggesting alternatives. I will offer you this for free. Give your life to Christ and repent of your sins. Go back to God, and rededicate your life to Him. Now go back and submit your your husband who has not physically harmed you or abused you in any evil way. Your issue with him is because he found you to aggressive and sharp tongued like you said. Instead of you seeing him with inferiority complex, go and submit and let him assume leadership. He will live you and do everything you want. To tame a man, submit to him, and you will control him. Simple.
The Lady Stranger: Never heard that before.
One Pastor: Heard what?
The Lady Stranger: As in to submit to a man so can tame him.
One Pastor: It is a mystery that God coded into us. You submit to us, we will love you with every fibre in us, and we will do anything to make you happy. Wrestle that from us, or compete with us on that ground of leadership, you lose us.
The Lady Stranger: Thank you sir. What if I don’t have any feeling for him and I have taken sex off the table? I can’t pretend as a person.
One Pastor: Even Jesus in order to save us had to come down to the human level. What would you do for love? There is a bigger picture here.
The Lady Stranger: Alright sir. I will think about it.
SADLY, THAT WAS OUR LAST TELEPHONE CONVERSATION. SHE DIED BARELY 4 MONTHS AFTER.
I strongly pushed for autopsy which of course is mandatory here, and NOTHING was found.
Husband eventually became full father of the children she had planned to take away. Give it 2 years or 3, the man will remarry, and he will make sure he gets it right this time around.
Who lost out? That’s up to you to think over.
I have heard and seen enough from the pastoral counselling table to know that marriage is a very spiritual thing, yet, practical enough to be coded with principles such that if stark unbelievers and chronic illiterates will follow these principles, they will have a successful home.
Marriage is the best thing that come after the Sun, the moon, and the stars that God gave equally to the mankind.
These planetary bodies have codes and principles that govern them. As long as they remain in that orbital system, the universe wherein the earth lies will play on well. Same is marriage.
People of different religions and different tribes have intermarried and they have had a very successful marital records. And we have seen couples from the same tongue and faith creed fight to death.
God gave marriage institution equally to all mankind, you follow the code, all is well. You tamper with it, you pay for it.
Back to Ricardo Kaka whose wife left him because he was too perfect for her…”Kaka never betrayed me. He treated me well, he gave me a wonderful family, but I was not happy, something was missing. The problem was he was too perfect for me.”
The question is this, what else do some women want? Female animals decide who they want to mate with. They ensure they get it right who will father their cubs. We humans meanwhile, we fail terribly at this. May God help us.