7 Months Ago Counselling Session:
New Wife To Be: Daddy, shouldn’t marriage be equal in all ways?
One Pastor: Hmmm, okay, for the sake of agreement, I will advise that your marriage be 50/50 for the first 3 years, and whoever wants to lead and be responsible for it thereafter will take over.
New Wife To Be: (Smiled) Okay, how do we go about it? Can you hear that Ola? (Looked at direction of Ola (Groom To Be) on the Zoom). But sir, why 50/50 for 3 years?
One Pastor: Because I know you can’t last that far.
New Wife To Be: Last that far? How sir?
One Pastor: If you want your home to be 50-50 in all ways, you should be ready to split all financial responsibilities in all ways. Last session we had, you said you didn’t believe in Joint Account, but for 50-50 sake, you have to believe it now. All your incomes will be transferred there along with that of your husband.
New Wife To Be: What? Is it not a man’s job to provide for his beautiful wife and children?
Ola: Waittt…let Pastor finish. What is what?
One Pastor: You know Precious, you have been in this country for about 9 years, that means you are more settled. Ola is just here…still fresh, and on also on full time studies. That means he can only work for 18 hrs a week. So you have more financial responsibilities and all other things to consider to make the home solid before your husband will be fully settled. And you have to happily play your role as a wife and bread winner until he is ready.
Ola: Pastor, I think I can sign that agreement now. (Laughed hard)
New Wife To Be: (Squeezing Face) Is that what 50/50 mean? So I can’t have any input or say in the family?
One Pastor: Where did you get that idea from that wives don’t have a say in their house? I know you were born in 2001, and you probably started understanding cultures and traditions around 2012-2013 thereabout, I don’t think things were that bad on TV then to suggest that you were made to believe this nonsense. In all marriages that I know, wives always have the biggest say in everything….including mine. To be honest, marriage is more fun and suitable to the women than men.
New Wife To Be: How daddy?
One Pastor: For instance, I can’t own a pet dog or cat because of my wife. She said no and I don’t know how to go about it.
Ola: Really? Jeez. Precious is already telling me that she doesn’t want any dog. I am a dog person. I miss my dog in Nigeria. Oh my days. Which breed do you like sir?
One Pastor: German Shepherds, Golden Retrievers and Huskies. Siamese amd Persian cat breeds for me.
Ola: Wow. I am mainly Alsatian too. But why do you call it German Shepherd instead of Alsatian.
One Pastor: Don’t mind me. It is the leftover of American Hollywood in me before coming over here.
Ola: I don’t like cats. Maybe because of my Yoruba background. (Laughed)
New Wife To Be: (Coughed Slightly) Hello.
One Pastor: Alright Sis Precious. What we are saying is that wives still run the homes in the marriage. So they have bigger say than the husbands. I believe that left to Ola, he wouldn’t mind you and him staying at his current place after the wedding. I bet you have a different opinion which he is already agreeing to albeit reluctantly.
Ola: Exactly daddy. It is only two of us, why is my 2 bed flat not enough? She said she doesn’t like the street, and she prefers a house to a flat.
New Wife To Be: I thought it is better we settle down into the kind of house we will raise our children in now rather than wait till later.
One Pastor: That’s exactly what I am saying. Your opinion eventually prevailed. You made a valid point and he accepted albeit reluctantly. That’s how marriage works. So when you say 50/50, it’s more like you want to take over everything from man.
New Wife To Be: It is somehow complicated. I don’t know how to explain it. That’s not how I meant it.
One Pastor: Okay, who decides mostly the curtains colour? Furnishings? Where to live? The school which children should go to? What food children should eat? You wives do. Even when we want to give names to children, if you don’t like the names your husband is giving, you won’t call that baby the name. Have you seen a child who answers to two different names at the same time? That’s father and mother having different opinions. At least my wife didn’t allow me to name my son Hercules. I removed it few minutes before the naming session started.
Ola: Whaaat? You wanted to name Hadriel Hercules? Wow. That’s good.
New Wife To Be: Why would you name him Hercules? Ewwwww! I will never accept that.
One Pastor: It’s like you were there in 2016 when my wife fought off that name. So is that not one having a say? All we are asking is that you should turn over your pay and wallet and your husband will even surrender his 50% portion. It seems wives already got more than 50% running of a family. Everything a man does is to please you, and yet, you want 50/50 equal partnership! No be play you dey play so.
New Wife To Be: Daddy, let him hold his 50%, let him do all that men are supposed to do to provide for his family, as in, his lovely beautiful wife and children. I will keep my money. I am not selfish. I will support whenever I see that he is short of cash to run the family. All he has to do is tell me.
Ola: So you don’t want 50/50 marriage again? Pastor sir, it is the first request that I want. You really brought to light my current situation. Precious knows about every penny that I make from the first date we started dating. She monitors all my shifts and calculate my income for me for shifts that I have not even done. As we speak, I don’t know how much she earns, I only have her account number. 1 of my bank cards is even with her….permanently.
New Wife To Be: Don’t mind him pastor. I help him to do his weekly groceries shopping, so it is better I have the card with me.
Ola: Daddy, I don’t eat cereals, I don’t do cow milk or eat these their tasteless bread. I don’t eat sugar. So who is she shopping for?
New Wife To Be: You can say that again. You can’t even protect the interest of your lovely beautiful wife abi?
Ola: Can you see her now? That’s how she blackmails me every time.
One Pastor: So Sis Precious, in the light of these few revelations, how do you want to go about joint account, financial responsibilities towards the home, and all sorts of responsible supports where necessary?
New Wife To Be: Daddy, I think we will talk about that 50/50 point later. I don’t know how else to place it. Ola is the man of the house, so he will remain the man. It is his job to provide for his family and take care of it in all sense. That’s what I understand. I don’t know if I can take full financial responsibilities for the house. I don’t know.
One Pastor: Ola, are you happy to do your job as the man without belabouring your wife beyond the scope of her contributions as a lovely beautiful wife she always is?
New Wife To Be: Lovely beautiful gorgeous wife…
One Pastor: Yes, lovely beautiful gorgeous and generous wife…
Ola: It is my duty as a man sir. I have never questioned what my roles are supposed to be, or why they are my roles. That’s why I was wondering what she meant by saying 50-50. Sir, Precious is not the type that will use her money for you for free oh. She was asking me just before you opened the door for us that I should transfer back the £7 that Uber deducted from her account. She didn’t ask for £3.50, she asked for the £7. So where is 50-50 in that.
New Wife To Be: Look, you can keep your 50%. In fact, take the whole 100%. Just make sure me and my children never lack anything.
Ola: Your wish is my command. Happy to comply.
(All laughed hysterically)
One Pastor: And there goes Precious 50-50 demand just because of money. Look, this doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Woman’s nature is designed to receive and collect and multiply. Man’s nature is to give and sow. Woman is wired to receive and give love, compassion, care and etc. Man cannot compete with that. A father can easily give up on an erring child, the love in a mother will never give up on that child. So you see, you are wired to only give love without restraints to your children, you can’t do that to your husband. Sis, it is a mystery we are still learning about everyday. When you understand fully what 50/50 equal role you want in your marriage, let me know, and we will review it together with Ola.
New Wife To Be: (Smiling) I don’t want it again. As long as he doesn’t treat me as being beneath him, I am fine.
Ola: Why would I do that? I already promised to love, honour and cherish you. If not for the fear of God, I would have said I would worship you too. Just don’t push things beyond the norm for me.
New Wife To Be: You have still not agreed to cry on our wedding day. Even if it is a fake cry.
One Pastor: What? Cry? Cry for what?
New Wife To Be: As in cry. Didn’t you cry too when you married mummy? Cry…tears….you know when you opened the veil on her face? When you saw your lovely beautiful wife’s face?
One Pastor: Blood of Zechariah. I am hearing this for the first time. Which Nollywood movie did that script come from? Hahahahahahha
Ola: Help me ask her daddy. May be I will use Rubb or Vicks and apply under my eyes lids. Maybe that will make her happy.
New Wife To Me: Is that too much to ask for? Let people see that you cried for joy marrying me.
One Pastor: When is your Uber coming?
All laughed again hysterically.
NOTE: By the grace of God, I wedded these love birds early this year. They are my babies. Groom did not cry though. Wife was all smiles and joy on the day.
Marriage can be happy if everybody stays their lane.