Me: So you want me to talk to your husband now? 8 years ago, he was the one begging me to talk to you. 5 years ago, he gave you last warning but you did not listen to us. It is too late.
Sharon: Don’t let it be too late sir. He was not being reasonable. I had my life to live and he refused to understand.
Me: No. if you had your life to live, you shouldn’t have got married to him when you did. You misled him and sold him a lie. Why would you marry when you still had a private plan of yours of having no baby till you are ready for one?
Sharon: I thought it would be easier to discuss this when we were fully married and settled. Planning for the wedding didn’t allow us much conversation. Moreover, I was really not ready to have babies.
Me: That’s untrue. Sharon, you were not ready for your husband babies for 10 years! You denied him of sex for up to 18 months on occasions, and you deliberately used contraceptives without telling him. He was busy praying for the fruits of the womb for you, he fasted and did tests all over the place and he was cleared. You? You played games with his mind and mental health. You stood your ground that you want to be fulfilled first. How? So are you fulfilled now?
Sharon: Please sir, I know I made mistakes, but he should have been patient with me. Why didn’t he try to understand?
Me: Understand your lies and deception or for the fact that you led him into a marriage you already planned with sabotaging traps? It is you so called Christian women that are causing homes to collapse these days. You denied your husband his right for 18 months in the name of you maintaining your body till you are 38 or 40 while you pursued your career. Why didn’t you tell him this before you married him? You can’t pull up a new private contract solely for you to be signed by your husband after the marriage contract and vows have been sorted nau. Why Sharon? What do you want me to do?
Sharon: I don’t know sir. Just talk to him man to man or even as a pastor friend of his. I know he respects you. I want my marriage, I want to have his babies. I want us to have a family.
Me: Look, if you naturally had a delay in being a mother, Segun will understand. You have been married since you were 28, it was all about you and your career. You demeaned him and denied him. You blackmailed him and pushed him to the wall. You are going 39 now and you want to force him to start a family with you when he is no longer interested in having sex with you or even having babies! So what happens to your career and body?
Sharon: Pastor….
Me: Please don’t pastor me. You were selfish and wicked. We both begged you like 4 or 6 years into the marriage but wouldn’t reason with us. You played ‘god’ then, even your parents came in when your husband found out you have been using contraceptives without his blessings…and you banned him from your sex life. What do you want me to do? Unban your body for him. You worshipped body and career, you doubted God and played his role…go back home and enjoy whatever space you carved for yourself.
Sharon: Haaa Pastor this is not good…
Me: You want me to play double face? Didn’t I warn you not to push him out of the bedroom you both shared? You put lock on the door Sharon! When last did you allow him to touch you? 4 or 5 years ago? Remember he swore on what he would do if you went ahead with your plan.
Sharon: I have begged him since then sir. He said he has forgiven me. So why is he not doing his duty?
Me: Duty? Did you say duty? (Laughed) Lenu e? Thank God you are not my flesh and blood…I would have sworn for you bad. You and your likes are the reasons good men make mistakes and are turned to beasts. You took Segun’s joy and shattered it. I am still praying for his restoration. So don’t add another for me.
Sharon: So are you now saying I should just sit down, watch him and grow old without having my own children?
Me: Please leave me out of this. You abused me and told me to stop fuelling your husband’s ego in 2018. Or was it 2019? I have not crossed my lane since. If Segun says he is no longer interested in having babies with you, that’s his prerogative. You made your choice known from the beginning, and he has made his clear to you now. I cannot force him to have a baby he will not be interested in. Moreover, you said you know what to do when and if you are ready to have your babies. You said ‘my’ and not ‘our’, so, go and do what you planned to do.
Sharon: I thought you will be helpful…
Me: Shut up. If Segun hadn’t caught you sleeping with your colleague, would you turn around to beg forgiveness and ask to start family?
Sharon: He told you? He told you? Why? It was a mistake. I felt vulnerable and I didn’t know what it is to be loved and cherished and chased after. I was vulnerable….
Me: Sharon, you think I didn’t know the full story? You think I didn’t know this happened right at the peak of the time you banned and denied Segun sex? What vulnerability? You are a joke. Look, you are still in the marriage today because I counselled your husband what forgiveness is. He thought he has failed and you shattered whatever joy and peace he had in his marriage. You chased him out of the bedroom and he complied. What else do you want?
Sharon: What if he now impregnates another woman? I don’t want to lose my marriage. Help me beg Segun sir, you are his good friend.
Me: Look, it is time for digging deep, and I can’t talk any further than this. Don’t call me again on your marriage issue. I can’t fix it. You turned Segun into a shadow that even hates to see itself! You will be fine. It is not compulsory that you have children. That’s what you said barely 7 or 8 years ago. So enjoy the marriage you designed and forcefully built.
Sharon: Then I will have no choice but to divorce him. I don’t want to miss my window.
Me: You want to threaten Segun with a divorce? Is it now you know you have a window? Well, maybe that will be good fortune answering the prayers of Segun. Divorce him today, and I can bet you that he will find another woman within 3 months that he will marry. I will personally ensure that. Within a year or 18 months, Segun will be a father. I can guarantee you that. So technically speaking, you are the one delaying Segun from moving forward. How about that?
Sharon: (Broke down weeping) This is not fair. This is not fair pastor Amos. Why? Why?
Amos: Why? I laugh. The nonsense card you are pulling today in the name of modern world is unbelievable. You cherry pick the bible and twist it just to suit you. You refuse the voice of reasons and make yourselves into goddesses. What evil spirit pushed in the past? Divorce Segun, and you will see how things will turn around for him. Go back home and pray and fast to heal your husband and win his love back. You can’t push him or rush him to love you or sleep with you. Not even after your infidelity that he covered up for you! What he cannot have with you now are babies you denied him for selfish reasons. Until he heals, go and be the wife you were originally meant to be, and may be God will have mercy on your home.
Sharon: But can you talk to both of us together and I can assure him of my love and total commitment?
Me: I have to go now. I am setting up the zoom. I want to beat our media team to it. As per talking to both of you….NO. If I knew you were the one calling in the first instance, I wouldn’t have picked up the call. So just know I attended to you out of respect for my friend. If this oncersation goes beyond 30 mins, I will have to charge you for it…
Sharon: Ah, I will pay to do anything that will sort my home sir. How much sir, I am ready to pay for your time.
Me: I still see hints of the same arrogance of the past in you. Money can solve anything and do anything you want. Hmm. For you, my 30 mins free, and I won’t take a penny from you because you will turn around to blackmail me with it. So find another counsellor. I have told you free of charge what to do. That Segun you broke and shattered like that cannot be fixed according to your dictate. You will pay the price of time you betrayed on him. God bless.
Sharon: Sir can y….(Line Cut)
We begged and worshipped you to do what is right for 4 to 5 years. You insulted and cut us off. Now, you want us to clean up the mess.
You can’t be married by a man and still wrestle the steering with him.
If you want to be a feminist or female leader that will not answer to any man, then, – DO NOT MARRY. It is not a sin if you are not married to a man. Just let people and your family know that you will struggle to live with a man, or submit to a man, and people will understand.
It is unfair to go into a marriage where you kept all your cards close to your chest. If you have any ulterior motive going into marriage, better to abort such mission. That’s my take